At our Yoga retreat in Kampot, Cambodia, we practice a variety of different meditations. This one is very useful for anybody experiencing thoughts of self-criticism, and is a perfect preparation for loving-kindness meditations. The following meditation is adapted from the practice found in “The Path Of Nibbana” by David C. Johnson which is itself based on the earliest Buddhist Scriptures.
WHY PRACTICE SELF-FORGIVENESS?
It is part of human nature that we make mistakes. We take actions that cause us to suffer, and refrain from actions that help us. Nobody is exempt from this. The 11th Century Buddhist Monk Shanti Deva said: “Strange it is that we all love happiness and yet are destroying its very causes, that we all hate suffering and yet are pursuing its very causes.” This echoes what St Paul wrote some 700 years earlier: “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.” Romans 7:15
The human tendency to do the wrong thing does not mean that all of our suffering is self-inflicted. Past traumas were certainly not deserved, but after we were harmed by others, we often continue to harm ourselves. We act from a narrow worldview shaped by our past experiences and the human tendency for misunderstanding. Without knowing better ways to respond, we repeat patterns that may have once helped us survive but now cause us suffering.
We carry many kinds of burdens – from everyday mistakes and misunderstandings to deeper wounds from the past. Some of us struggle with small daily regrets, while others carry the weight of serious trauma. Whatever our experience, we often judge ourselves harshly for how we responded to difficult situations, even though we were doing our best with the understanding and resources we had at the time. This practice offers a way to begin releasing that self-judgment, whether it comes from minor mishaps or major life events.
This meditation is an excellent foundation for practicing loving-kindness meditations (meditating on the feeling of loving-kindness towards ourselves, loved ones, friends, strangers and even enemies). Without self-forgiveness, it can be difficult to generate the feeling of loving-kindness, so this meditation is the perfect preparation. It can be repeated as often as you like.
THE PRACTICE
1) Prepare
Find a comfortable seated or lying down position, seating is preferable if you have a tendency to fall asleep in meditation! You can use a cushion on the ground or a chair. The main thing is to have a straight back but allow your body to relax as much as possible. If you are lying down, place your feet flat on the floor to elevate your knees and push your lower back to the ground.
2) Cultivate Self-Forgiveness
Come up with a short phrase such as: “I forgive myself because I didn’t know better” or “I forgive myself for not knowing” or whatever resonates with you. You can speak it out loud, quietly to yourself, or simply in your mind. Imagine this light of self-forgiveness illuminating any difficult past experiences and releasing any feelings of guilt or shame.
Smile a little smile, the same type of smile seen on statues of the Buddha. This is a vital part of the practice, and will help you stay with the feeling.
Hold on to this feeling of self-forgiveness in your heart. You do not need to keep repeating the phrase or thinking of the past, just stay with feeling for as long as you can.
3) Gently re-focus the wandering mind
Sooner or later, your mind will wander from the feeling of self-forgiveness. You may find yourself lost in thoughts of the past or future. You may even find a strong resistance to this practice: your mind may try to convince you it is a waste of time. But, when you recognize you have wandered from the practice, all you have to do is:
Release – Whatever your mind has come up with, let it go and allow yourself to relax.
Resmile – Smile the little Buddha-smile again, even if your mind resists it.
Return – Return to the practice, you can repeat the phrase you used before: “I forgive myself because I didn’t know better” or “I forgive myself for not knowing” or whatever you chose before.
4) Keep going
Practice this meditation for at least 10 minutes to start with, and try to increase the length with future sessions, aiming for 30 minutes eventually. Even if you have to Release, Resmile, Return a thousand times, it doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong: recognizing the wandering mind IS the practice of meditation. With sustained practice, the mind will eventually figure out that it’s better to stay with the positive feeling of self-forgiveness than to wander in old patterns of self-judgment.
Loving-Kindness (Metta) Meditation
If you found this meditation beneficial, you may want to read up on loving-kindness meditation, known as metta in the ancient Pali language. There are many videos on YouTube and online resources about the practice. But remember, if you are getting stuck in meditation or in life, self-forgiveness is often the best place to start so repeat the above meditation as often as you need.